Was feeling super anxious in bed last night, that devolved into suicidal ideation. I can't shake the feeling that I'm failing at being an adult, be it at work or existing as a roommate to my chosen family now. It often feels like all I contribute to anyone is money, and well, with my soulmate designated as my beneficiary for my life insurance, it's like my death would be a greater boon than life.

Talked about it with her this morning and she reassured me that's not the case and that I'm doing great. That did make me feel a little better, but dang, I hope the exercise I started helps with the brain chemicals soon.